My Lamentations

"...When laughter first manifests itself in the infant, it is an incipient cry...What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?" -Soren Kierkegaard

Its been awhile...

Since I last blogged.  You know a lot can happen in just a few short days or even months that can change your whole outlook on life.  Some things just shake your faith.  This can be your faith in people, or pretty much anything for that matter.  I am afraid that I will soon loose a very dear friend to me.  Call it, intuition, but I have had some of these same signs happen before and I know what they signify.  I have pretty much decided that I can't do anything about this friendship anymore except to give it all up to God.  I hate doing that because, while it is the best and safest place for anything to be, it is also the scariest because you don't know if God will allow it to return to you or not.  So with this I have been struggling the last few weeks.  It gets harder each day because it feels like I am running away from the problem, but I am not.  Who knows?  Maybe I am just being ridiculous.  Who knows?  Anyways I realize this blog has fallen to the wayside in light of HUGE amounts of homework and ENORMOUS amounts of time haveing to be spent on just getting ready for the next day.  I do seem to have a little bit more room time however so I willl definitly be keeping up on this regularly.

theweeper

P.S.  Here are the lyrics to the song in my last blog so you can see what I am talking about.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so f****ing far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

posted by: theweeper at February 12, 2007 21:52 | link | comments |