My Lamentations

"...When laughter first manifests itself in the infant, it is an incipient cry...What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?" -Soren Kierkegaard

It's that time of year again. . .

Now I don't mean just Christmas.  It only comes once a year while the instance I'm refering to comes several times a year.  It is the time when you realize you are trying to please the unpleaseable.  You know who I'm talking about.  It could be a family member, a boy/girlfriend, or even your own self.  Kind of gets old doesn't it.  Most of us have someone in our lives who we can't seem to please?  They judge you based on the past, or the present, or even where you plan to go for the future.  My mom is like that.  Now before you think I should go on Oprah and slam my mom I should start out saying that I am  not perfect.  I am a human being, which translated means I will fail, sometimes majorly and sometimes not.  The thing is my mom is always there to point it out for me.  I am now 21 and am trying to learn how you interact with your parents in a respectful way, while keeping yourself from being completely submissive to their beck and call.  I was raised to always be respectful and to never say how I felt if it would offend or disappoint my mother.  Now she didn't conciously tell me this, but this is how it was.  It really didn't matter how I felt, I was the child and she was the parent and I was to obey her no matter what.  She always liked to use that line from the Bible, "Children obey your parents."  However she always forgot the next verse, "Fathers do not provoke your children to wrath."  I fought with mom today about the boundaries that she shouldn't cross.  It was over something stupid.  The other day I was eating with my mom, dad, little sister, and girlfriend when the question of my internship came up.  I had told them that I had not gotten the one I had wanted and was now stressed out from school and the need to find an internship.  Mom started to ask questions to which I didn't know the answer and even though I told her this she just kept on asking!  I asked her to change the subject as I was too stressed to worry about it at this time, but of course she kept on going!  This irrateted me and now, as of today, she thinks that I was mad, and that I didn't show her respect.  Funny how that works.  It is frustrating because we had a very good conversation tonight for over 30 minutes before she brought this up and then pressured me into a conversation I didn't want to have.  She intentionally angered me so she could blame my anger on me!  I really don't know why she does this.  However I do wish it would stop.  This is the reason I dread Christmas.  Last year I didn't go home becuase of a fight we had in October which led to me not being welcome at home.  Now a year later I feel the same thing is about to happen again.  So while everyone is getting ready to enjoy the season this year, I am wondering what will happen in the next few weeks.  I realize that I am not perfect.  I also realize that this is partly my fault.  But I am trying to work with her and do all that she asks without giving up that which I know is true.  If you all have any suggestions of things that could help I would definetly appreciate it. 

theweeper 

posted by: theweeper at November 26, 2007 00:42 | link | comments |