My Lamentations

"...When laughter first manifests itself in the infant, it is an incipient cry...What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?" -Soren Kierkegaard

Hate me

This is the title of a song from a band called "Blue October".  The song expresses a man's wish for his mother to hate him after something tragic happens.  His motive for her hating him is so she can ". . . finally see what's good for you." and so she can be, in his mind, better off.  I must confess I feel that way sometimes about those I love the most.  There are times I wish that those I love the most would come to hate me so they could forget me and then I wouldn't be able to hurt them anymore.  I don't hurt them intentionally, but I somehow always dissappoint them, and that tares out my heart.  I know that they will never hate me that way, but sometimes I feel that is the only way the will be able to the person they want to be.  I don't want them to hate me, but it may be the only way for them to be truely happy.  I know that it is wrong to believe that it is my fault for their unhappiness, but; I just can't convince myself sometimes that if they were without me then maybe, just maybe things would be better.  This song says exactly how I feel about everything my family and I have gone through.  Maybe that is why I feel the way I do.

theweeper 

posted by: theweeper at January 06, 2007 22:42 | link | comments (1) |

Comments:

#1  07 January 2007 - 01:34

 

i can relate to a lot you have mentioned here, although i don't come out and say it.

families are more complicated than they should be. have you heard of the book "toxic parents"? it might be useful for the "manipulative mom" issue.

i absolutely love the quote and do feel that i've learned to smile/laugh in order to not cry. i started fooling others until i fooled myself.

i'll stop by here again.
faaraa

faaraa

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